Y'know, when I was writing this post, I figured that if anybody was going to really, on a deep level, understand what I was talking about, it was going to be you. I'm sorry I took so long to reply to your comment; I've just been trying to figure out what to say - in particular, what to say about why I don't write more often.
I'm not really sure. I have a theory that it's because I mostly interact with the same group of people every day, and we're so used to each other that I have trouble noticing which of my ideas are new and different. It's hard to explain what I mean by that. Let us accept at least for the sake of argument that I am a complicated and interesting person, and that a lot of what makes me interesting is the ways in which I think and behave differently from everyone else. These differences are most apparent when I meet new people or when I do something that I think of as ordinary but which I am then told is odd. People who are used to having me around don't react to my behaviors in that way because they've adapted to them. Naturally. This is good and makes it easier for us to be close. However, when I am not reminded of my diferentness, I start thinking that I'm banal and that I don't have anything interesting to write about - that everyone has already thought my ideas on their own.
But, yeah, I really should write more often. Get back into the habit, and so forth.
As a side note, I was interested in what you said about being "open." I've thought about it, and I'm not sure that "open" means "not-defensive." A lot of the things that I'm open about are the things about which I'm most traditionally defensive - it's kind of like saying "here, here is the thing I'm afraid you'll make fun of, and because I said it first and said it in a funny way, you can use it." And the other person is looking back at me like "I just asked you if you wanted some more water." The person I'm buying a movie ticket from doesn't need to know that I'm bisexual but now feel estranged from the gay community because I married a guy. More to the point, there's no reason to assume it'll bother them.
That's what I mean about non-defensiveness. There's no reason to assume when I meet someone that they're going to ask whether I'm employed, or that they'll disapprove if I'm not. Even in Dallas, I doubt anyone's wondering whether I remembered to exercize today, or noticing that I don't usually eat meat but felt like getting a hamburger. And, I mean, most people are *excited* when you ask their opinion on something philosophical, once it's obvious you're not making fun of them. Anyway, I'm trying to start remembering that again.
Thanks again for the comment, which I hope I haven't minimized at all. I haven't responded to most of it just because I already think it says everything that needs to be said. You're awesome.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
Re: CONT
Date: 2004-07-11 07:29 pm (UTC)I'm not really sure. I have a theory that it's because I mostly interact with the same group of people every day, and we're so used to each other that I have trouble noticing which of my ideas are new and different. It's hard to explain what I mean by that. Let us accept at least for the sake of argument that I am a complicated and interesting person, and that a lot of what makes me interesting is the ways in which I think and behave differently from everyone else. These differences are most apparent when I meet new people or when I do something that I think of as ordinary but which I am then told is odd. People who are used to having me around don't react to my behaviors in that way because they've adapted to them. Naturally. This is good and makes it easier for us to be close. However, when I am not reminded of my diferentness, I start thinking that I'm banal and that I don't have anything interesting to write about - that everyone has already thought my ideas on their own.
But, yeah, I really should write more often. Get back into the habit, and so forth.
As a side note, I was interested in what you said about being "open." I've thought about it, and I'm not sure that "open" means "not-defensive." A lot of the things that I'm open about are the things about which I'm most traditionally defensive - it's kind of like saying "here, here is the thing I'm afraid you'll make fun of, and because I said it first and said it in a funny way, you can use it." And the other person is looking back at me like "I just asked you if you wanted some more water." The person I'm buying a movie ticket from doesn't need to know that I'm bisexual but now feel estranged from the gay community because I married a guy. More to the point, there's no reason to assume it'll bother them.
That's what I mean about non-defensiveness. There's no reason to assume when I meet someone that they're going to ask whether I'm employed, or that they'll disapprove if I'm not. Even in Dallas, I doubt anyone's wondering whether I remembered to exercize today, or noticing that I don't usually eat meat but felt like getting a hamburger. And, I mean, most people are *excited* when you ask their opinion on something philosophical, once it's obvious you're not making fun of them. Anyway, I'm trying to start remembering that again.
Thanks again for the comment, which I hope I haven't minimized at all. I haven't responded to most of it just because I already think it says everything that needs to be said. You're awesome.
love,
Romie