social media blah
Ciro, as mentioned, is a few time zones over, and being on vacation has wisely chosen not to be tethered to a computer. Which has made social media a bit weird for me - uncomfortable family holiday weird. Ciro's circle of acquaintances skews more rightwing and reactive than mine does, despite the fact (or perhaps causing the fact) that he's more liberal than I am. I think this isn't due to a difference in philosophy (although maybe it is?) as much as simple exposure, because the same thing could be said of Val's circle of acquaintances; I grew up in actual Dallas and they grew up in the suburbs of Dallas, which means their neighbors they've known since they were little kids are a different group than mine.
Anyway, a few of Ciro's fringy folks have been trollish on his comment boards during this time he's not moderating them. I don't think they know he's gone; I think it's a coincidence, or perhaps that Ciro would normally be here removing stuff and so I wouldn't see it. (I already don't see a lot of it, because I already block stuff.) So I wind up having to think, hmmmm, is there a savvy court-intrigue way for me to signal to Ciro's and my mutual friends that yes we know this person is saying hurtful discriminatory things and we're sorry you had to witness that, without overstepping and being unfriendly to people who are not my friends but are Ciro's, in a way that would upset Ciro.
This would be much easier to handle with his actual family, because roles are more clearly defined.* And also because everyone immediately understands why you still talk to your offensive cousin and doesn't assume that means you agree with him, whereas that question is on the table if the offensive person is the father of the husband of a friend who lives in another state.
I'm lucky generally in that the political differences within even my extended family aren't broad. They are disagreements between left-leaning centrists, centrists, and right-leaning centrists, partly because both sides of my family are suspicious of any form of extremism. The best illustration I can think of is that a couple of years ago my Dad's elderly mother said some factually untrue things about Obama during a few of their weekly phone calls, and he told her she needed to stop watching Fox News, and so she stopped watching Fox News. That was the big drama. Somebody politely fact-checked someone, and then they said, oh okay, won't trust that source anymore.
That does not necessarily give me the tools to deal with overt Facism, or Insurrectionary Anarchists. The only thing I know how to use for that is Theater of the Absurd. (Plus fact checking. I'm too pedantic to not do fact checking.) Which involves acting contemptuous, although not necessarily of the things I actually hold in contempt; and while sarcasm is something I am perfectly willing to do to my friends and enemies, it's not something you do to other people's friends and enemies without permission. My other standard strategy is removing the other person's platform, either by directly silencing them or by creating a more desirable alternative that doesn't include them. Again, obviously, a bit tricky when the key relationship is with somebody not me.
It does not help the situation that "Your Racist Friend" has resultingly been stuck in my head all day, which is probably my least favorite They Might Be Giants song. (Good concept; uncharecteristically lazy execution.)
Anyway, it's been gross gross gross and even though I'm pretty sure I did my best in a bad situation it would feel better if a third party agreed. Because of course I can imagine all kinds of other ways of handling it or not handling it which would also not diminish the grossness but maybe would be preferred? There's not a yardstick for what's appropriate.
* It's also not something I've ever had to handle with his actual family. We all know without having to ask which of us are Republicans and which of us are Democrats, and that we would have a much better time talking about things like what music we're listening to or what weird thing was at the grocery store yesterday.
Anyway, a few of Ciro's fringy folks have been trollish on his comment boards during this time he's not moderating them. I don't think they know he's gone; I think it's a coincidence, or perhaps that Ciro would normally be here removing stuff and so I wouldn't see it. (I already don't see a lot of it, because I already block stuff.) So I wind up having to think, hmmmm, is there a savvy court-intrigue way for me to signal to Ciro's and my mutual friends that yes we know this person is saying hurtful discriminatory things and we're sorry you had to witness that, without overstepping and being unfriendly to people who are not my friends but are Ciro's, in a way that would upset Ciro.
This would be much easier to handle with his actual family, because roles are more clearly defined.* And also because everyone immediately understands why you still talk to your offensive cousin and doesn't assume that means you agree with him, whereas that question is on the table if the offensive person is the father of the husband of a friend who lives in another state.
I'm lucky generally in that the political differences within even my extended family aren't broad. They are disagreements between left-leaning centrists, centrists, and right-leaning centrists, partly because both sides of my family are suspicious of any form of extremism. The best illustration I can think of is that a couple of years ago my Dad's elderly mother said some factually untrue things about Obama during a few of their weekly phone calls, and he told her she needed to stop watching Fox News, and so she stopped watching Fox News. That was the big drama. Somebody politely fact-checked someone, and then they said, oh okay, won't trust that source anymore.
That does not necessarily give me the tools to deal with overt Facism, or Insurrectionary Anarchists. The only thing I know how to use for that is Theater of the Absurd. (Plus fact checking. I'm too pedantic to not do fact checking.) Which involves acting contemptuous, although not necessarily of the things I actually hold in contempt; and while sarcasm is something I am perfectly willing to do to my friends and enemies, it's not something you do to other people's friends and enemies without permission. My other standard strategy is removing the other person's platform, either by directly silencing them or by creating a more desirable alternative that doesn't include them. Again, obviously, a bit tricky when the key relationship is with somebody not me.
It does not help the situation that "Your Racist Friend" has resultingly been stuck in my head all day, which is probably my least favorite They Might Be Giants song. (Good concept; uncharecteristically lazy execution.)
Anyway, it's been gross gross gross and even though I'm pretty sure I did my best in a bad situation it would feel better if a third party agreed. Because of course I can imagine all kinds of other ways of handling it or not handling it which would also not diminish the grossness but maybe would be preferred? There's not a yardstick for what's appropriate.
* It's also not something I've ever had to handle with his actual family. We all know without having to ask which of us are Republicans and which of us are Democrats, and that we would have a much better time talking about things like what music we're listening to or what weird thing was at the grocery store yesterday.